you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
