did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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