I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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