Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
