I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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