I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
