There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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