I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
