Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
