why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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