I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
