Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
