dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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