Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Randomize
