a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
