At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
