Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
