I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
