Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
