Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
