this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
