i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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