I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
