Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
