I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
