This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
