so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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