This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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