i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
