We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
