You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
