And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
