you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
