Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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