wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
