My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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