every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
