He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Randomize
