im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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