So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
