he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
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