so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
