i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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