It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
