The maid of honor just puked.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
