just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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