Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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