she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
