Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
