I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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