If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
