Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
