I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
