so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
