I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
