Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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