I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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