i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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