Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
