I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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