I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
