you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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