he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Drunk is not a location!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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