how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
