Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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