i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
