he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
